Most of the time, I find it very difficult to talk about my illness. I don't even like writing that word "illness". It doesn't really feel like an illness to me because I've learnt how to manage it. It's more like something I have to be aware of during the week. Like knowing my pants size when I'm shopping. It just makes it easier to be prepared when I have to go try things on. It also informs me of my limits and my minimum effort. I don't want to be lazy! But I should't be overextending myself either.
Learning your pants size takes time. It takes mistakes. I'm sure plenty of people have gone into a change room with pants that really DO NOT FIT. But it's all part of the process.
There are people who become their illness though. I guess those people haven't noticed that it's their pant size. They think those pants are the only ones they can wear, EVER. And they don't even know what size they are. They keep wearing these ugly khaki trousers with giant canvas looking pockets all over them in a size too big.
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| This happens when you learn your pant size |
When people invite them out they are all like "sorry, my pants are really not appropriate for that". This is different to knowing your pants size. For different events you can try to wear pants in your size that are closer to appropriate. Like, maybe your pink pants aren't exactly perfect for this event, but they work for a little bit so you adjust how long you stay, or who you go with. Your pants shouldn't stop you from living, but you can't go around wearing pants that don't fit.
Analogies and all that aside, what I'm saying is, you might have an illness. You do not have to define yourself by your illness. BUT people, including yourself, should recognise and actively manage the fact that it will affect you in ways. It's tricky to do this. People around might never understand this. But if you persevere and learn about your minimums and limits you can manage to be your true self and not your illness.
Personally, I find this difficult to talk about because I don't like accepting that I have limits. It has been a slow process for me learning that I need to rest. I am still learning about some of my limits. This is something everyone goes through, but with an illness it is a different experience with its own challenges and can be more frustrating in ways that not everyone will understand.
Seeing a psychologist was one of the most important things I did to discover my minimums and limits. If you are suffering I highly recommend seeing a professional.
I have to say at this point too, that not every day will let you change the pants you have on. Some days with bipolar your pants are sewn onto you. These days it especially important to know that bipolar is an illness you have and is not you. These are days you can truthfully say "I am not feeling well" and let yourself have some time off. Knowing that it is an illness you suffer from, and not some sort of intrinsic quality you have, can let you relax and avoid blaming yourself for not being able to be "normal" that day.
Those days that your pants are sewn on are not just useless days. It is your body and mind letting you know it is not well and that needs to recover from the affects of the illness. It is like waking up and having a broken leg. You would (hopefully) not get up and start walking around on that leg. That would make it worse. You would take the day to rest. Mental illness is the same.
Do not be ashamed to admit that you need a day off. I always think 'maybe I don't need a day off, maybe I can push through' but I know deep down I need to rest. If I don't rest I usually pay for it later. Find people you can trust enough to say to them 'hey, I'm not feeling so great today'. They are the best friends and will be there to support you through the rough patches.
Speaking about your illness is not just beneficial for yourself. You may be around someone suffering who has not had the courage to face it yet and you may give them the inspiration to get help.
Getting help is one of the hardest things to do in our society. But it is one of the most important.
I really believe that more people need to start asking for help with things. Not just people with illnesses, everyone. You don't have to go through this life suffering alone.
That's all for now~
Till I sit down for more than 2 minutes again.
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